I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
