I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
