Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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