i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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