The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
