Sponge bath it is.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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