I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
