I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
