Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
