weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
