I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
