dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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