Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
