I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
