i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
