New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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