somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
