my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
