Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize