You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
