You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
