zippers are such a cool invention
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
