Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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