I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
