First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
