CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
