you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
