When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
