I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
