we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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