yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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