My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
