He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
