The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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