Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
