he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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