NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
