There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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