You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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