So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
