ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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