i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
