I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
