First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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