i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
