I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize