I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
