How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Loading more great texts...