Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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