so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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