i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found puke in my bra..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
