We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
