Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
