Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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