cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
