How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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