Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
