so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
