I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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