Whod you bang
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
