Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
