Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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