so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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