I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
