come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
