my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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