You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
