is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
