We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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