I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
