Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
