she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize