this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
