I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
