he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
