Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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