you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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