I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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