I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
