remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
