Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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