i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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